When someone special dies, it’s important to say goodbye, honour their memory, and come to terms with their death. Throughout history, the traditional way to do this was to hold a funeral, and for many years it has played a vital role in the process of bereavement.
The need to mourn hasn’t changed, but the ceremonies we use have. An increasing number of people are choosing to celebrate a person’s life rather than mourn their passing. This type of ceremony often includes music, for a funeral, poems, readings, and even favours for guests to take away.
Celebration of life vs. a funeral
A funeral is typically a formal ceremony where people gather together to mark the passing of a friend, family member, neighbour or colleague. Here the death is acknowledged and it is traditional to have the body of the deceased present during the ceremony.
A funeral service can be held in a place of worship, but these days most take place at a crematorium or cemetery chapel. The content of the ceremony is based on the liturgy of faith or general custom. A small number of funerals also take place at funeral homes, prior to a separate burial or cremation.
A widely recognised secular format is to have three pieces of music (for entry, a time of reflection and exit), a eulogy and some favourite readings, and words of committal or farewell. The entire service will typically take 30-45 minutes to allow for other services on the same day.
In contrast, a celebration of life event is designed to express the life and relationships of the deceased which can be done through the choice of venue, music, food, decoration and tributes. It follows no particular religious rites or requirements, and the body of the deceased is not usually present.
The event is tailored to the wishes and personality of the deceased or their family and friends, and could last an hour or even a whole day.
For many people, the traditional funeral rites feel too old-fashioned and impersonal. People are also choosing to commemorate a person’s life in a positive way, steering away from funeral services based on religious or cultural traditions.
When should you have a celebration of life?
There are no set rules to follow.
It could take place within a few days of the death but is more liely to be a few weeks later, giving time to craft the perfect send-off, book a great venue and to find a date that allows the key people to take part.
You can even choose to take part in your own celebration of life or funeral. Living funerals are a relatively new phenomenon, but they are gaining in popularity. If you are planning ahead, then you can make sure your family and friends are celebrating life your way.
How to plan a celebration of life
Planning a celebration of life is similar to planning any other gathering to mark a life milestone such as a big birthday or anniversary.
For example, you need to decide on the time and place to hold the ceremony. There’s also the task of letting everyone know about the event, and what elements to incorporate in the ceremony.
The good thing about a celebration of life is that you’ve got all the time you need to make the arrangements because there is no set time frame to stick to. Here are some steps that will be helpful to follow:
- Focus on the personality and relationships of the person who has died
- Create a framework for the event with opportunities for sharing memories
- Have a specific ‘goodbye moment’
- Invite ideas from the loved one’s inner circle
- Choose a venue and a date
- Decide who you want to invite
- What refreshments will you serve?
- Choose music and readings that remind you of the person and their life
- Pick photos or videos of remembrance
- Consider appointing someone as a ‘Master of Ceremonies’ to keep things on track and to bring things to a close
Celebration of life songs
Music that the deceased enjoyed will naturally be part of the playlist for rhe event, but you may want a track that expresses the emotion of the occasion itself. We’ve compiled a list of the best celebration of life songs that are played at such events. You’ll find joy for life in the lyrics, in the melodies, and the beats themselves.
- Ain’t No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
- Blessed by Rachael Lampa
- Bring Me Sunshine by Morecambe and Wise
- Don’t Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerron
- Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty
- I’ve Had the Time of My Life by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
- I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan
- On the Road Again by Willie Nelson
- Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
- Sunshine on My Shoulders by John Denver
- What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong
- Lean on Me by Bill Withers
- Landslide by Fleetwood Mac
- American Pie by Don McLean
- Always Look on the Bright Side of Life by Monty Python
- Don’t You Forget About Me by Simple Minds
What do you wear to a celebration of life?
Unlike a funeral, a celebration of life isn’t focused on sorrow and sadness. It’s a personalised, often joyful occasion for laughter, storytelling, and happiness as well as a few tears. The focus is on the person’s life and not their death.
Because it is not entirely a sombre occasion, it is not typical for people to wear black as they would for a funeral. You can decide on the dress code for the event, some specify bright colours while others opt for fancy dress!
The average cost of a celebration of life
It's normal to worry about the cost of a funeral, but when it comes to a celebration of life event, you get to decide how much you want to spend and set a budget. If you have financial constraints, prioritise the most important details, such as the type of food and the venue. Having a budget also gives you some guidance when it comes to the number of guests to invite.
Celebration of life ideas
There are no set rules about what you need to do at a celebration of life event. However, it should capture the essence of who your loved one was and celebrate their incredible life. Here are some celebration of life ideas to include in your farewell event:
- Plant a tree: Select a tree that was a favourite of theirs and plant it in a place that they loved as a gift for generations to come
- Create a quote board: Ask friends and family to share celebration of life quotes and sayings that represent your loved one
- Put their name amongst the stars: Buy a star in your loved one’s name
- Start a book club: Read your loved one’s favourite genres, authors, or inspirational books
- Raise money for their favourite charity
- Ask friends and family to choose and cook recipes that their loved one enjoyed
- Create a video or photo tribute with contributions from family and friends
- Plan a destination celebration of life party in a place that was on your loved one’s bucket list or arrange to scatter their ashes there
- Host a memorial competition in their favourite sport
- Turn their ashes into fireworks to launch at the event
- Create e memorial playlist of their favourite songs
- Invite people to bring an item that is significant to their relationship with your loved one and place it in a keepsake chest
Explore alternative services to a celebration of life
There are no rules when it comes to a celebration of life, and no limit to the number of ways you might wish to pay tribute to someone you have loved and lost. Here are some examples of ongoing remembrance:
- Create a place of remembrance in your home: Display photos, objects, and anything else meaningful that reminds you of your loved one and use this as a place for reflection, perhaps lighting a candle when you want to spend time remembering.
- Hold a birthday or anniversary memorial: What you choose to do could be anything from a memorial dinner to a formal memorial service. It gives everyone another moment to express their feelings and demonstrate that yoru loved one has not been forgotten.
- Create a personal ceremony at the graveside: People feel differently about visiting a gravesite. Some choose to visit daily or weekly, while others never visit a grave. Some people find the gravesite a comforting place, somewhere they are close to their loved ones.
- Spread the ashes: Scattering ashes in a place they loved creates a happy place for memorial visits.
Are you planning a celebration of life or a more traditional service? Either way, you can find inspiration in these stories for a special memorial service to say goodbye to a loved one.